Therapy for Business Partners: The 5 Most Common Reasons to Seek Help
Discover why small business owners benefit from relationship counseling
Couple’s therapy for business partners is the easiest way to preserve your company’s most important relationship.
Previous research shows 65% of high-growth startups fail due to cofounder-related issues, and disagreements among business associates likely contributes to far higher numbers of stress, burnout, and work-related frustration.
As a psychologist specializing in working with cofounders, entrepreneurs, and small business owners, I’ve seen many leaders invest time, energy, and effort into improving their relationships. But many partners who would benefit from improving their communication and teamwork have yet to enroll.
Why?
Because most people: 1) Underestimate the remarkable effectiveness of couple’s therapy, 2) Don’t know this specialty service exists, 3) Aren’t aware of why most people seek help to begin with.
To address this last point, read the five most common reasons business leaders seek help improving their relationships with business partners.
1. You were friends prior to starting a company together and business-related challenges are threatening the quality of your friendship.
Many individuals start companies with someone they know and trust. Often, friends-turned-cofounders struggle with this transition.
When left unchecked, the stress of creating a company can damage your personal relationship beyond repair. But that doesn’t have to be the case.
I’m working with two friends-turned-cofounders in a successful entertainment business. They reached out because they felt frustrated with one another and were unable to have productive conversations. Their re-occurring arguments were impacting the other executives, and they were concerned about whether they could salvage their friendship.
After a handful of sessions, we identified the central problem:
One partner doesn’t trust the other. Fear drives him to problem-solve in isolation, and this attempt to “fix” things without having a proactive conversation about his concerns amplifies the mistrust experienced by his cofounder, who feels hurt and left out. This leads her to withdrawal in anger, which appears to validate the first partner’s concerns that she’s a loose cannon.
As you can imagine, this withdrawal-withdrawal cycle makes a productive personal and professional relationship impossible.
Addressing each person’s contribution to this cycle and increasing their ability to tolerate discomfort in providing direct feedback to one another is helping them work towards a healthier relationship. Their business conversations are already 10x more productive and they’re beginning to see a path towards saving their friendship.
Lesson: Don’t wait — prioritize your relationship before your friendship is damaged.
2. Your business partner is also your family member, and that’s complicated.
I often work with husband and wife pairings, siblings, or other family-related partnerships.
These relationships are complicated in their own right, with unique histories, wounds, and strengths. But when you add in a business component, they can become even more overwhelming and multifaceted. Making time and space to process the layers of these relationships is imperative to maintaining their integrity.
I’m currently working with married cofounders who started a boutique creative marketing agency. They reached out due to mutual frustration, as they were not seeing eye-to-eye on key strategic issues related to scaling and hiring.
The bulk of our work has focused on improving communication. Many of their difficulties come from a power struggle in which each individual feels unheard and is unwilling to put their feelings aside to better understand the other person’s emotional experience. This tug-of-war keeps them stuck and disrupts business decisions.
As we continue sorting through their feelings and teaching them to better understand and communicate with one another, both their personal and professional lives are feeling more manageable than in the past.
Lesson: It’s always a good idea to get a third perspective when your work and family are intertwined.
3. You find yourselves having recurring disagreements that leave you feeling stuck and unsure how to proceed.
Most relationships have their sticking points — gridlock issues that don’t change no matter how many time you discuss them. But when you’re unable to see eye-to-eye on an ongoing basis, that contributes to fear about your future (personal and professional) and anger towards your partner.
One pair of SaaS cofounders I worked with met due to mutual professional admiration and shared passion. Over time, one founder grew resentful of his partner, who excluded him from overseeing several key departments. This resentment led to anger and a tendency to criticize, leaving the other founder feeling justified in his choice to restrict his partner’s access to other teams— a common pursue-withdrawal dynamic.
Throughout our six months together, we completely transformed their relationship, personally and professionally. They were able to streamline their communication, unpack past resentments, and shift the org chart in such a way that conveyed greater mutual trust. While disagreements are sure to come up in the future, they both feel prepared to address them in healthier ways than in the past.
Lesson: If you’re sick of having the same unproductive arguments, reach out!
4. You feel a lack of joy going to work and want to improve the culture of your company.
When you stop looking forward to work, that’s a problem when you’re the one who created the company!
While some people wait to get started with a startup psychologist until after things go wrong and they’ve lost joy, others proactively seek relationship-focused sessions to improve their company’s culture.
For example, I’m seeing two friends-turned-cofounders who created a business out of their viral social media account. They are successful, but in the early stages of building their vision, and wanted to ensure they set a positive cultural foundation for their growing company by improving their relationship.
Much of our work covered the basics: Scheduling communication, adding structure to their meetings, setting clearer boundaries with one another, and focused conversations on strategy. These talks are helping this team create the type of relationship they want to model to the rest of their employees.
Lesson: Company culture is created through the intended and unintended communication between founders. If you aren’t happy with your relationship, change it before your business reflects these challenges right back to you.
5. You just secured a large contract/funding and want to get on the same page before rapid change.
For partners facing major transitions, like increased funding or a life-changing contract, the heightened expectations and rapid changes can highlight the potential vulnerabilities in the foundation of your relationship.
I’m currently working with cofounders in an advertising agency that just secured a contract that requires them to make several hires and changes the trajectory of their business.
Problem is, one founder doesn’t like his job. He doesn’t feel heard in this partnership and that leads him to offer unsolicited advice. His partner, feeling this criticism, pulls away and avoids conversations. That emotional distance reinforces the other partner’s feeling unheard and stuck in an undesirable role. And not addressing this relationship dynamic before scaling would be like adding gasoline to an untended fire — it won’t end well.
I’m confident sorting through these personal and professional difficulties will not only improve their relationship, but also their company’s growth trajectory.
Relationships are complex
There are many important reasons to prioritize improving your partnership.
Whether you’re married to your partner, previous friends, or have disagreements you want to solve prior to scaling, investing time, energy, and effort into your relationship can improve satisfaction, transform your company’s culture, and lead to a better long-term outcome than going without extra support.
Contact a cofounder psychologist or other specialty mental health provider to get the most out of your partnership and business. There’s no reason to wait!