Cofounder Therapy: What Is It and Do You Need It?

5 surprising similarities and 3 key differences between cofounder coaching and couples therapy.

Building a successful business is like having a child.

You can’t sleep without worrying about doing everything in your power to help it sustain life, grow, and develop into its full potential.

Who you choose to partner with, then, not only impacts your wellbeing but also the health of your baby, your business. And if marriage is any indication, you have many challenges heading your way.

You’ve heard this comparison before.

There are good reasons to draw parallels between marriage and your relationship with your cofounder.

Not only do both require collaboration and teamwork, but both involve moving through significant challenges towards a common goal. They are both demanding, require work to maintain, and tend to result in moments of significant disagreement, stress, and frustration.

In cases where these normal responses to adversity are not managed well, resentment builds.

People begin tip-toeing around topics. Having abrupt, charged interactions. And eventually, their mutual avoidance leads to escalating conflicts that take longer and longer to repair.

As someone who’s worked with couples over the last seven years, I’ve seen this play out many times.

I’ve seen couples in all stages of their relationships: From pre-marital counseling to “we hate each other and need permission to end in a way that is best for our family.”

After watching my friends build businesses and coaching founders and executives, it’s astonishing to me that there are not more co-founders engaging in coaching similar to (but different than) couple’s therapy.

For an industry full of intelligent, hard-working people, I assumed most co-founders would have this support and that most VC’s would have someone on call to help cofounders navigate the many complexities of building and scaling companies.

I was wrong.

Most founders are stuck transversing this uncertain terrain alone.

They do the best they can, but often experience tension and communication breakdowns.

These issues may escalate and lead to ending the company, they may not. Either way, many founders would benefit from connecting with a cofounder psychologist to build purposeful alignment with their partner.

To help you understand the similarities and differences between co-founder coaching and couple’s counseling, read the list below!

5 Surprising similarities between cofounder coaching and couple’s therapy:

1. Both improve communication (and reduce relationship stress).

The entire purpose of both services is to improve communication!

In both cases, I teach you how to listen more effectively than in the past. I help you implement new ways of speaking with one another. I also highlight the key patterns that keep you stuck (see number 3).

This combination, of skills, practice, and understanding, reduces anxiety and distress associated with miscommunication. Over time, it improves your teamwork, productivity, and decision-making.

2. Both require understanding each individual’s unique perspective.

In each service, I make an intentional effort to understand your worldview and that of your partner.

I build trust with each of you so that you know my interventions are made with the best intentions.

I don’t play favorites. I don’t choose sides. My goal is to align myself with the relationship — everything I do is in the service of improving its functioning.

3. Both identify the blocks preventing clear communication.

You’re not just paying me for the hour I’m with you, you’re paying me for my expertise in knowing how and when to intervene (and when to let you work it out).

My strengths include having a deep understanding of what’s going wrong in your relationship and helping you engage in new ways that correct those patterns.

While this formulation takes time (I’m a psychologist not a psychic), it leads to greater insight and awareness for each party to better understand:

a) the unhelpful pattern creating a communication breakdown,

b) why that’s happening for each of you individually and collectively, and

c) what to do differently for a better outcome.

4. Both require each party to hold themselves accountable for their behaviors.

Neither process works if you’re not willing to put in the effort to make changes.

Both services require that you practice the things I teach you between sessions.

Our weekly meetings build accountability for all parties and keep us focused on what matters most — improving your communication.

5. Neither requires you to wait until the relationship is beyond repair to start.

While many co-founders come to me in times of distress or following an argument, there’s no need to wait!

Many couple’s come to me for premarital counseling because they want to “fine tune” their communication, clarify their values, and make sure they’re moving in the same direction.

I wish cofounders would do the same, especially after major milestones like securing funding, adjusting to new investor pressures, etc. Those transitions have significant impacts and benefit from further discussion to clarify the strategy for moving forward.

3 key differences between cofounder coaching and couple’s therapy:

1. Cofounder coaching directly improves your performance at work.

Founders tell me all the time how much more they enjoy work after improving their teamwork and collaboration with one another.

Not only are leadership meetings more enjoyable, but they’re also more productive! Instead of wasting valuable time and energy thinking about their frustrations with one another, they’re focused on what matters: The business.

Founders who work with me also report better decision making than prior to starting coaching. This is a natural outcome of solving interpersonal problems that require both of you to work together in new ways.

Our sessions build new, positive interactions and demand that each of you find new ways of solving the communication issues. That challenge brings out the best in both parties and re-aligns you toward a shared outcome.

2. Cofounder coaching indirectly improves your relationships outside of work.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Matt, these skills have really helped my marriage.”

While it’s common for achievement-oriented individuals to struggle in their personal relationships, it’s not a requirement.

There’s nothing in your job description that requires frequent disagreements with your life partner. Optimizing for your work relationship and your romantic one at the same time is another benefit to this process.

3. Cofounder coaching, though personal, inherently involves more business.

When couples discuss their problems, the content is inherently personal.

When co-founders share their disagreements, it inherently involves business.

This small separation between personal and business makes co-founder coaching even more approachable.

I hope you found those similarities and differences helpful!

Remember, the comparisons between a baby and a business, a marriage and the relationship with your co-founder, are based in reality.

There is no other way to characterize the highs and lows that come from building a company with someone you trust.