This Is How The Highest-Performing Cofounding Teams Create Efficient Conversations (and Reduce Conflict)
Practicing this framework helps founding teams focus on desired outcomes rather than getting stuck in chaotic discussions.
Teaching hundreds of founding teams how to navigate conflicts more effectively revealed a key tool most founders overlook when engaging in mission-critical conversations. To explain this tool in more detail, I would like you to picture the Mona Lisa.
While you may imagine Mona Lisa’s famous smile, you might forget the frame that adds depth and focus to Leonardo’s masterpiece. It is this frame that informs your eyes where to focus and provides clear expectations separating the wall from the art. Without it, the image loses its distinction.
The same goes for conversations. When you and your cofounder have discussions without a frame — a system of clear expectations organizing where to focus attention — they lack boundaries and lead to miscommunication.
Many cofounders I work with have unproductive conversations because they cover too many topics at the same time, are unsure of the desired outcome for the discussion, or lack proper context to understand why a topic is being raised.
As an example, I recently was in session with two tech founders — I’ll call them Anthony and Lisa — who had a disagreement following a not-so-great meeting with potential investors. Their conversation contained several layers:
Personal frustrations with one another’s behavior in the meeting
Strategic differences about desired level of diversity within their board of investors
Philosophical differences about the importance of diversity and inclusivity for their company
Unspoken power dynamics related to their recent change in equity split
Anthony and Lisa’s biggest issue in their communication was trying to address all four of these topics at the same time. The interwoven tapestry of their conversation became so knotted, they felt flooded with defensiveness and disagreement, while I sat there with my head spinning.
As you can imagine, the conversation was not productive. Without a frame, conversations wander to many topics that deserve consideration, but do not receive adequate attention due to the lack of focus.
If you want to have more productive chats when emotional tension is present, you need clear expectations and goals for the discussion.
Prior to jumping to a new topic, set mutual goals and expectations for the conversation. This can look several different ways.
Here are a couple examples I shared with Anthony and Lisa related to their discussion:
“I’d like to chat with you about my experience of our investor meeting. I’d love for you to listen, hear my side of things, and then I’d like to understand what was happening for you so we can feel a greater sense of resolution.”
“I’d like to discuss our philosophical differences related to diversity and inclusivity within our company. My hope is we can better identify our values and figure out a plan for hiring. Are you open to a mutual brainstorm so we can create a plan?”
Both examples set clear goals and expectations for the discussion.
In general, a good frame includes the following components:
Context: What you want to talk about and relevant background information needed to understand why you want to discuss it now or why it is important.
Intention: What you hope and want the other person to do with this information and any expectations you have for their behavior during the conversation.
Desired Outcome: What you want to get out of this discussion.
If you include these three things (most of which can and should be done within the first few sentences), your partner is much more likely to engage in a productive manner. However, this guideline can get a bit more complicated in practice.
What if your partner disagrees with the context, intention, or desired outcome?
Your partner may agree with your frame or might negotiate a different aim for the discussion. Engaging in this clarification process prior to jumping into a conversation can eliminate many headaches and help your meetings feel actionable.
What if they have related topics they want to discuss that may be helpful context for your conversation?
Truth be told, you cannot always have separate conversations. Sometimes you have limited amounts of time to communicate.
Naming Within-Conversation Transitions
In this case, I recommend setting a frame to clarify the transitions within a single conversation. This looks like a simple “calling out” or “announcing” the change in subject.
Here are a couple examples:
“I noticed we started talking about your experience at the meeting, but now you’re discussing the equity split. Can we focus on the meeting first and then move to the equity split?”
“I’m a bit confused. You started talking about the equity split but are now talking about our disagreement after the meeting. Can we separate these so I can get a clearer picture?”
Both of these remarks call attention to the transition in your conversation.
The first involves an observation and then a clarifying question for how to best move forward. The second involves a feeling statement followed by a clarifying question. Either of these formats will help you and your partner focus on the issues of greatest importance.
To summarize:
Framing a conversation helps each person focus on what’s most important
Setting a frame clarifies expectations and sets clear goals for the discussion
A good frame includes context, intention, and desired outcome
Switching contexts in conversations are more successful when named
If you want to have more productive conversations, slow down and set clear frames for your discussions. These two skills will, like the Mona Lisa, separate the art from the wall and allow each of you to make sure you are focused on the same thing.
Send this article to your partner to raise awareness of the importance of setting clear frames. If you two get stuck and need more support, seek out a cofounder coach to teach you these skills to ensure the health and productivity of your partnership.