Journaling with ChatGPT for Better Cofounder Communication
Founders experience difficult moments.
Many of the cofounders I work with experience an emotional rollercoaster while building and scaling a successful company. And as many of you know, that rollercoaster is intense.
Several clients have asked me for recommendations on how to handle the moments of difficulty in a healthy, productive manner because they have noticed adverse effects from not managing their emotions well.
In this article, I will save you time and mindshare by giving you one such tool: Journaling with ChatGPT.
Common Misunderstanding
When most of us think of journaling, we think of something like this:
Taking out a leather-bound notebook and G-pen
Writing the date
Starting with something like “Hi journal” or “Today, I…”
Let me be clear, this is NOT the type of journaling I’m suggesting.
While keeping a record of your life can be insightful, the journaling I recommend is more about emotional expression than anything else.
It does not have to be time-consuming. It doesn’t need to be a daily activity if that doesn’t accelerate your personal and professional growth. It can be modified to fit your needs.
According to a recent client, this practice is known as “Rage Journaling.”
Getting Started
The first step in the practice is to bring more awareness to your emotional experience. This includes increasing attention to the sensations in your body, noticing the thoughts in your head, and working to better identify moments of emotional dysregulation.
Here’s my recommendation:
Notice when you are bothered by an action or comment
If it reaches more than 5/10, implement this protocol ASAP (or before end of day)
A good rule of thumb: If you find yourself second-guessing someone’s intent, analyzing why they did what they did, or feeling emotionally activated and distracted from the next meeting, it’s a good time to implement this protocol.
Stop input, switch to output
Engage rage journaling
Build Your Rage Journal
Determine where you want your journal to live — do you want a spiral notebook or does digital make more sense?
Notion, Google Doc, MS Word, Apple Notes, take your pick of system.
Here’s the “rage journaling” exercise:
Write the date
Time-box: Set a timer for 10–20 minutes (or use whatever time you posses)
Brain-dump: Allow all of your thoughts and feelings to move through your fingers, into the keys, and into the document.
Hold nothing back: Use all of the curse words and things you would never say aloud to the other person. Make it a pure, unfiltered stream of consciousness.
Focus on feelings: If your free association leads to problem solving or future scheming, that’s fine. But keep coming back to your AFFECT. Name it, describe it, feel it as you type. Let this connection build and transmute from your mind/body to the page.
Stay present: Do this activity as long as necessary. Typical variance is between 5 and 20. This task is your top priority, don’t give in to distractions.
Let your body be your guide: You might notice increased emotional activation as you begin (tightness in chest, flushed face, rapid heart beat, etc.). If you stick with this process, you might notice a shift — a slight feeling of relief, resolution, and corresponding relaxation. Stop when you notice this shift in your state.
This practice sounds simple, but many first-timers struggle with it.
Sometimes it feels awkward and elicits feelings of self-consciousness. Other times, giving yourself full permission to type every single thought, including the more uncomfortable stories and feelings you don’t share with anyone, feels uncomfortable. It takes time and practice, but you will get better at dumping your emotions in this manner and develop greater emotional containment.
If you do this practice alone, you will make considerable progress.
In time, you’ll not only improve your emotional regulation in difficult moments, you’ll also notice a “clearing” function that helps you re-approach difficult interactions with a calmer state of mind. You will be better at articulating your thoughts, feelings, reactions, and brainstorming solutions after getting this out of your system.
Secondary benefits will include less stress on your personal relationships, better sleep, and improved decision-making.
ChatGPT Journaling Integration
AI has many applications and one of them is helping you organize and synthesize your thinking.
I worked with ChatGPT to design a prompt that will help you take your raw, unfiltered thoughts, feelings, and reactions and translate them into more professional language you can share with your cofounder.
Though it is not “perfect” from a strict formulaic perspective (eg, it does not simply follow Non-Violent Communication guidelines or recommendations from The Gottman Institute), I have found it to be a useful tool in helping me discover the key themes and pieces of information I might need to share after a disagreement.
The Prompt
“As a startup founder, I sometimes struggle with effectively communicating with my co-founder during times of conflict or disagreement. I believe that improving our communication could benefit our company and help us work more effectively together. Can you help me by taking my frustrated or negative thoughts about my co-founder and translating them into a more professional and constructive communication style that I can use to address the issue directly?”
The Process
Journal using the Rage or Growth Journaling Exercise
Open ChatGPT
Copy/paste the prompt above
Then select a few paragraphs from your journal
Copy/paste into ChatGPT
Review the results
Use the results to help inform what you share with your partner
Example
I’m going to share with you an example based on a recent session. I will embellish the internal dialogue of a founder in a raw, unfiltered way you might see in a rage journal.
WARNING: Explicit Language
Rage Journaling Input
“What a fucking asshole. Jeff is a fucking selfish, narcissistic asshole. He never thinks about the impact of his actions on others. I can’t believe he spoke to my employee like that without ever talking to me about what needed to change. He never follows the chain of command and this is another example of him undercutting me. He doesn’t respect me and probably wants me gone. He’s always on such a power trip because he thinks going to Stanford and working at Google makes him better than me. What a fucking idiot. Yes, I yelled at him in front of the employee and that was wrong, but what else was I supposed to do? I’m so sick of this shit.”
ChatGPT Output
“I can understand that you are feeling frustrated and angry with Jeff, but it’s important to communicate your concerns in a constructive way that focuses on the issue, rather than resorting to name-calling and personal attacks. Here are some suggestions on how you can reframe your thoughts:
Focus on the specific issue: Instead of calling Jeff names, try to focus on the specific issue at hand. For example, “I was upset when Jeff spoke to my employee without talking to me first. I would appreciate it if we could communicate better about these issues in the future.”
Use “I” statements: Try to use “I” statements to express your thoughts and feelings, rather than attacking Jeff directly. For example, “I feel disrespected when Jeff doesn’t follow the chain of command. I would like to discuss how we can work together more effectively.”
Avoid assumptions: Try not to assume what Jeff is thinking or feeling. Instead, focus on what you know for sure and try to have an open and honest conversation with him.
Seek common ground: Instead of focusing on your differences, try to find areas of agreement and work from there. For example, “We both want what’s best for the company, so let’s work together to find a solution that works for everyone.”
Take responsibility: It’s important to take responsibility for your own actions, such as yelling at Jeff in front of your employee. Acknowledge your mistake and apologize if necessary.
Remember, effective communication requires active listening, respect, and a willingness to work together to find a solution. By focusing on the issue at hand and avoiding personal attacks, you can have a more productive conversation with Jeff and hopefully come to a resolution that works for both of you.”
Integration
The next step is to take this output and help it inform your message to your cofounder.
Here’s an example based on the above:
“Jeff, the other day I felt upset and disrespected when you spoke to my employee without talking to me first. I would appreciate if we could work on communicating better in the future because I know we both want what’s best for the company. To that end, I’m sorry for yelling at you in front of the employee, I know that was unprofessional and didn’t move me closer to my goal.”
Additional Prompts
Sometimes ChatGPT doesn’t give as much feedback as might be helpful for your situation. By being more explicit with your desired output, you can get more tactical recommendations.
Here are a few prompts I’ve found helpful:
How to phrase: Now take my thoughts and feelings and give me a few other ways to raise this issue with Jeff in a more professional manner. Use first-person language.
Summarize: Please summarize the key emotions that might be important for me to share with Jeff. Please summarize the key points that might be helpful to share with Jeff.
Ask for help: What else can I do to help move this conversation forward in a productive way?
Additional ChatGPT Output
How to phrase
“I was concerned when I heard that you spoke to my employee without consulting me first. I would appreciate it if we could establish a better system for communication to avoid any misunderstandings in the future.”
“I feel disrespected when decisions are made without my input. It’s important for us to work together as a team and make decisions collaboratively. Can we schedule a time to discuss how we can improve our communication and decision-making processes?”
“I understand that we may have different perspectives, but it’s important for us to listen to each other and find common ground. I would appreciate it if we could have a conversation where we can both express our concerns and come up with a solution that works for everyone.”
“I realize that I may have overreacted when I yelled at you in front of the employee. I apologize for my behavior and would like to have a conversation about how we can improve our communication and work together more effectively.”
Summarize
Emotions:
Concerned about Jeff speaking to your employee without consulting you first
Feeling disrespected when decisions are made without your input
Upset about a breakdown in communication and lack of collaboration
Apologetic for overreacting and yelling at Jeff in front of the employee
Points:
Establish a better system for communication to avoid misunderstandings in the future
Work together as a team and make decisions collaboratively
Listen to each other and find common ground
Improve communication and decision-making processes
Apologize for past behavior and discuss how to improve going forward
Ask for help
“Listen actively: It’s important to actively listen to Jeff’s perspective as well, even if you don’t agree with it. Avoid interrupting him and make an effort to understand his point of view.
Seek clarification: If you’re unsure about something Jeff has said, ask for clarification to make sure you’re on the same page.
Brainstorm solutions: Instead of focusing on the problem, try to come up with solutions together. This can help shift the conversation from blame and defensiveness to collaboration and problem-solving.
Be respectful: Remember to stay calm and respectful, even if the conversation becomes heated. Avoid personal attacks and focus on the issue at hand.
Follow up: After the conversation, follow up with Jeff to ensure that you’re both on the same page and that any agreed-upon solutions are being implemented.”
As you can see, ChatGPT can be a powerful partner to help improve your communication. Though it cannot give you the “perfect” set of responses, it can move you much closer to a productive conversation.
I hope you combine these tools to experience the benefits of deeper emotional processing and more effective communication.