All Successful Cofounder Partnerships Avoid These 10 Unrealistic Expectations

Cofounder therapy often reveals subtle expectations contributing to dysfunction among startup cofounders.

Cofounder partnerships are difficult, complex relationships.

Facing unique pressures to achieve exponential growth, cofounders often rely on one another for support to weather the storm. But this added reliance leads to displacement — placing your scaling-related frustrations onto your partner — and recurring arguments that erode trust and amplify the distress you want to avoid. In short, your partnership becomes another unwanted stressor.

The emerging category of cofounder therapy offers intentional time and space to invest in your partnership so it can be transformed into a source of stability, strength, and resilience. 

Learning how to navigate conflict and improve communication can rebuild the foundation of trust needed for sustainable long-term growth. But this process has many layers and among them is identifying the unspoken expectations you have of each other.

In my work with cofounders, I have uncovered several unrealistic expectations cofounders have of their partners, all of which contribute to added strain and difficulty.

Here are 10 unrealistic expectations the most successful partnerships avoid:

1. Expecting your partner to meet all of your needs.

Just because you spend a lot of time together does not mean your emotional needs for support and encouragement must be met by the same person, especially when that person is also overwhelmed. 

Build additional support systems outside of your partnership (e.g., therapy, founder friends and communities, friends not connected to the startup ecosystem, etc.) for optimal sustainability.

2. Expecting your partner to pick up the tasks you don’t enjoy.

You must negotiate who picks up the slack and in what capacity. If one of you defaults to assuming all of the extra responsibility, it can contribute to resentment. 

Make intentional time and space to clarify roles and keep rescuing & avoidant behaviors in check.

3. Expecting your partner to match your work/life boundaries.

You each have different preferences related to your work/life balance. 

Respect each other’s choices and find ways to encourage instead of discourage the setting of healthy boundaries. 

Express any concerns or frustrations you have with your partner’s choices, but understand you cannot and should not attempt to control their behavior.

4. Expecting your partner to value culture & employees like you do.

Most cofounders don’t see eye to eye on building organizational culture or how they want to delegate work to employees when scaling. Each person’s perspective contains validity and deserve to be considered.

Spend time discussing which tasks you want to delegate, which tasks you want to maintain, and how you would like to build the culture of your startup. 

Even if you don’t agree, search for consensus and compromise. 

5. Thinking it is your partner’s responsibility to manage your mood.

Nope! This is often an unconscious expectation, especially with founders who struggle with interpersonal boundaries. 

Emotional over-reliance builds resentment, as one founder tends to take the caretaking position and experience burnout from the added load. 

You need to find effective strategies to manage your mood on your own (e.g., therapy, meditation, breathing, exercise, journaling, etc.).

6. Expecting your partner to “just know” what you’re thinking.

These assumptions often play out in meetings or handling people problems. 

When you are frustrated your partner did not understand how you thought or felt, it’s a sign more explicit conversations are needed to get back on the same page.

7. Expecting your partner to change core parts of who they are.

You may not have known your partner’s core tendencies until after a year of difficulty. But after you’ve seen them through ups and downs, trust your perception.

You cannot change how your partner deals with stress or engages with others, but you can improve your communication about it.

8. Expecting the relationship to function as it did in the past.

The honeymoon is over! Relationships change over time and you need to adapt. 

There is no going back—mourn the loss of what was and learn how to build for a better future.

9. Expecting your partner to always agree or take your side.

If you are not being challenged to grow, your partnership is not functioning on an optimal level.

The best partnerships don’t always agree, they navigate disagreements to discover optimal paths forward. 

10. Believing partnerships don’t take consistent work to improve.

Your cofounder partnership can provide camaraderie, joy, and resilience to your startup journey.

But it is not a static entity—you must invest time, energy and effort to create and sustain growth.

What separates the highest performing cofounders from everyone else is not an absence of conflict, it’s learning to navigate disagreements well.

One frequent source of unnecessary conflicts are unrealistic expectations, which are often uncovered and addressed in cofounder therapy. 

If you’re ready to unlock peak performance and increase alignment with your cofounder, contact a psychologist specializing in helping startup cofounders navigate conflict! 

Your cofounder relationship needs to be a source of support, not strain.